#BlogElul29: Return

Looking Backwards

    To See Ahead

                    “Teshuvah at its best, 

                      is about seeing how we missed the mark.”

                            The Velveteen Rabbi

I return to last year

turning it over, spreading it out

underlining places that felt

out of kilter, undone, put aside—

forgotten or altered 

Oh those plans, those dissonant

conversations where words

needed clarity instead of 

ambiguity, where thoughts were

left in silence. So now I return

to those places with resolve 

I seek out some people

to ask their forgiveness

I remind myself to do more

than expend words on social ills

I know —prayers also need footsteps

Oh dear Lord

I tiptoed where I needed to walk boldly

On this birthday of the world

I give thanks for Your Creation—

its colors and shapes, sounds

as quiet as the humming bird’s wings

as noisy as waves crashing onto the shore

This is the time of Teshuvah,

the time to begin anew.

#BlogElul 28: Give

Give the People Words

I will read Torah

and hear the stories anew

as a gift of love

#BlogElul27:Bless

No Training Necessary

You don’t need set words 

or someone else’s prayer 

to offer a blessing

You need a soul filled

with abundance 

with the desire to open

up and let the Spirit 

move through you—

let the words pour out

If you ask who am I to bless

and how do I bless, I say

Look around 

Plenty people waiting

Maybe someone’s even

waiting to bless you

#BlogElul 26: Create

Nature Creates a Fibonacci Number

My collages

made from bits of paper

on repurposed yellow ledgers

attempt new narratives 

Origami papers, 

provide a backstory

where design rules are upended

unlike the spirals of  sunflower seeds

which follow a given pattern

Sunflower after sunflower

#BlogElul25: Change

Upon Reflection

I explore change

Nibble the edges

Taste its underbelly

Walk onto a veneer

of thawing ice 

and proceed with caution

#BlogElul24: Hope

  Another Definition of Hope

 If I didn’t know that the roses

bloom again next spring

or that the just planted sapling

fills out and the days extend 

to include more light

If I didn’t know that the ending 

contains a beginning and everything

is a migration from the known to unknown

If I didn’t know—then doubt

might root itself and grow

#Bolg Elul 23: Begin

In the Moment

to begin this year

with a  clean slate and a gift

of a new blessing

#BlogElul 22: End

 The End is Often Sudden

I read old

postcards from places

I only knew from an atlas

Scraps of paper with lines of poetry

half digested thoughts and bits of songs

play around in my memory

Recollections of paintings 

done with a palette knife

on stretched canvases—the look of 

“abstract expressionism”

remain on an easel

After so many years I recall

three legged races

whipped jello

too many hot dogs served

on toasted buns

and fireflies caught in jars

I recall a kite flying close

to the sun when the string snapped 

and it plunged into the ocean

And then time moved beyond—

A book with chapters 

Each chapter adding a layer to the whole

Some of the role players only

live in memories

Others have moved on

and have their own books

where I may play a small role 

To begin something 

always carries the burden of an ending—

often semi- sweet, other times a relief

I

#BlogElul 21: Love

The Song of Songs Replayed

When you know your heart

and you savor the sweetness

of your lover’s face

#BlogElul 20: Fill

Soul Music

I fill myself up

with the sweet sounds of praying

and begin to sing

#BlogElul 19: Speak

Between God and Yette

God and my grandmother 

talked to one another 

She shared her life 

as if God was our neighbor

I remember one  day 

she spoke about her bunion 

and the place her shoe rubbed

her foot red raw 

She didn’t ask for any relief

or a pair of new shoes 

She spoke to God the

same way she talked

 to her friend Mrs Ruben

When the woman who lived

upstairs lost her husband 

my grandmother asked God

to keep an eye on her,

to keep her company

She understood loneliness

as a companion to the widow

When I asked her about her prayers

“ I don’t pray,” she said

“I just speak to God”

#BlogElul 18: Ask

The Response May Be Not Now

Just because you ask

Just because you want something—

even when you pray

#BlogElul 17: Awaken

To Look With New Eyes

I uncoil the past year

look beneath a litany of events—

Did any conversations

spiral beyond boundaries 

Could words be set 

in a different frame

Are there places that emerged

with edges that need refining

I need to spread them out

and smooth out the rough spots

#BlogElul 16: Pray

The Dialogue 

My friend got down on her knees

 praying to her savior for release

 She begged for liberation

 and waited for a response

I listened to her pleas—

the way she cajoled 

and bargained

until  she ran

out of words

She stood, 

held onto a chair back
and said
Dear Lord

May I live in your house

    

#BlogElul 15: Plan

Being Open to Interruption

You plan your time and

then an intruder arrives

with a  strange request

#BlogElul 14: Learn

  Attending Night School 

My grandmother Yette wrote her name

on scraps of paper and added them to

a pile of completed homework—

She practiced each letter 

as if remaining in this country 

depended on the way each

letter adhered to form

Twice a week she rode a bus

to her evening English class—

Sometimes she brought the teacher

a piece of homemade  honey cake

When she died a stack of her written name

remained on a bookshelf 

between a prayer book and a shoebox

filled with Yiddish and Polish writings

#BlogElul 13:Remember

     Conversion

I remember what I cannot say

because once said it no longer

retains that quiet whisper

It squanders questions by

remaining in my head

Once I shared a hint—not

complete but enough to give 

some light, a shadow— 

a  penumbra in waiting

I remember how I bent my will

and stepped onto a  path—

I remember step by step 

moving along, allowing myself

to enter into the shoals and eddies—

mountains and pastures

#BlogElul 12: Count

Turning

Count on days shrinking 

and darkness in ascension

Count on the cycle starting

again with “ In the beginning...”

and count on leaves tossed

about by wind and even a breeze

Count on remembering the past year—
the places that need mending, the

words left unsaid and the words said

Count on a chance to repair

places torn by words

# BlogElul 11: Trust

I Trust You to Use it Well

My mother’s philodendron lived for thirty-seven years—

twice repotted, watered frequently, and in a place filled

with light that streamed in between slotted blinds—

My mother bought the plant, a vacuum cleaner and a dining
room table after I moved into my own home

Each month she sent me money to do with as I wished

She never asked how I spent the money she sent 
when she received my father’s pension check

It never occurred to me to ask what she did without

BlogElul. 10: Forgive

Unread

To forgive requires a backward glance—

the sweeping out of corners,

flooding the past with strobe lights

and holding what is found 

until you decide to forgive

even when you know that your words,

shrugged off as unimportant

will remain unread

BlogElul 9: see

  The View

My favorite spot to view the ocean,

to watch the waves climb over

rocks set in their appointed places

is a flat rock that tilts to the left

From that rock I see the horizon line

and the way the ocean blurs a clear 

demarcation between blue hues

I wrap myself in kelp for warmth

and watch the ocean inhale and exhale

BlogElul 8: Hear

A Hymn to Words

They listen to the wind 

unravel between branches, 

toss twigs, launch acorns 

No one else is on the trail—

it belongs to them 

Before the sun retreats

they hear their words echo

in the space between said

and unsaid words

BlogElul 7: Understand

Misconstrue

Only three letters

separate understand from—

“to misunderstand”

#BlogElul 6: Want

    Not Yet, Perhaps Soon

Is it selfish to own many wants

when others own a paucity

Some wants remain silent

They carry themselves from

year to year, brushed off,

reworded in the hope that

they will be fulfilled.

#BlogElul 5: Commit

   The Binding

More than a passing fancy,

an intellectual conundrum

It requires a shift in thinking,

a transformation from one

place to another

It requires words said aloud—

each syllable consecrated

To commit to anything

tames the Tightrope Walker

who resides within

#BlogElul 4: Choose

 The Quandary

To choose 

To elect a choice from

myriad possibilities

requires turning away

and turning toward

As if it’s ever that simple

to say either or

when you own both sides

#BlogElul 3: Prepare

Unexpected 

You can’t prepare for

every contingency, our

life writes its own script

#BlogElul 2: Seek

Mending Fences

When you wander

within a maze

barriers alter paths

and force 

a change of direction

I seek a way

to cancel out walls

and mend broken places,

to create a new itinerary 

where paths intersect

and roadblocks disappear

#blogElul 1: Decide

     A False Premise

Some stories rest 
under unspoken words,

beneath layers of years

Shall I excavate 
a buried narrative,

dust off the detritus, 
shake it 

and let it breathe 

The story itself is tame, 
but spools 
into a chronicle 
that rests on a flimsy base

Authentic history 
requires primary sources

Yet, I cannot decide